She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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