I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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