Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
