She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
