I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize