I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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