I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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