omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
