We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
The uberlube is also flammable
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
