he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
