guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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