that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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