I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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