There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
