she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
