I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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