What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
