Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Mom said you looked used
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
