i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
