i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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