I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
In other news, I just burned my penis
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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