I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
it hurts more in the daytime
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
