Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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