That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
