My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
