Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
