I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
