You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
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