I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
