grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
