I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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