I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize