My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize