I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize