You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
