i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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