How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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