i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize