Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
