I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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