Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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