is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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