the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
