I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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