SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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