I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
