How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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