ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Sorry about my life...
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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