i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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