My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
