we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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