Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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