it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
