i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Randomize