Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
