Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
