I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
