put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
