I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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