i already hear my dad disowning me
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
