i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
