You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
