She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
